Dad Life

Sometimes I am overwhelmed with being a Dad.  Lately, as God has been challenging me to get to the root of who I am, I have been over analyzing my Dad-role.  The potential of every little thing I say (or don't say) or do (or don't do) to have a long lasting impact on my children causes me to second guess every little thing.  Why'd I have to go and make things so complicated? I see the way I am actin like I am somebody else ... Gets me frusterated.

Um, ANYway.  Mandy sends me the below video to cheer me up ... and it did.



Dad Life from Church on the Move on Vimeo.

Dagnabbit *facepalm*

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Did you notice?  Probably not, but I did.  I was doing so good too.  Dagnabbit.  *facepalm*

Bitter Roots?

So, I continue to seek and discover my "issues".  We've all got issues that impact the way we judge and perceive the world around us.  For me, I've begun to realize how deeply impactful some of these are in how I go about my everyday life.

I've always known I have certain tendencies, but have always felt them quite minor compare to people who have issues that put them in a mental hospital or jail.  (I have avoided both of those, so far).

But it doesn't change the fact that there are things that have happened in my life that have caused me to be a certain way.  Both good and bad.  I've set out to discover those "bad" things and hopefully find ways to change for the good.

I read an article recently about the difference between shame and guilt.  (I have always associated them as basically the same).  Shame is bad, guilt is good.  "Shame is bad because it attacks the person, not the action. Shame is about who you are while guilt is about what you've done. Guilt says, "What you did is bad. Correct it." Shame says, "YOU are bad and there is no fixing it!" Shame leaves you hopeless and rejected. Guilt moves you to restoration and recovery.*"

Our church has had a couple of teachings about the effect of "bitter roots" in our lives.  Imagine that your life is a tree. Your roots are what pull nutrients into your life and feed you. But what if those roots are bad? What if they are feeding you poison instead of nutrients? You've got a problem. But emotionally, that's what often happens. And the result is a shame-based life.

The same gentleman as above mentions there are 5 main areas of shame:

1. Abuse - (physical, sexual, verbal, spiritual)
2. Ridicule - (emotions, appearance, actions, etc)
3. Neglect - (forgotten or ignored, not being loved)
4. Family Secrets - (addiction, incest, health, criminal activities, etc)
5. Trauma - (accidents or death that are experienced)

Wow.  As I am contemplating what this journey may entail, it seems kind of daunting.  Do I really want to remember standing in line at the water slides and those girls snickered and made fun of my feet?  Do I really want recall my parents arguing one time that resulted in a broken plate of dinner?  Do I really want to reflect on a friend who committed suicide?

::prayer:: Lord, help me understand myself and continue to show me why I am the way I am and how I can be who you want me to be. ::endprayer::
____________________
*quoted from Remy Diederich from his November 18, 2006 entry in his blog http://lifechangeseminars.blogspot.com/

One Way Mirror Horror

I don't remember much from my childhood. I can recall snippets of events, usually spurred on by pictures of the moment, but in general I just don't remember...

Apparently I am at a time in my life where I really want to remember.  Or at least know why I don't.  I've shared before about my "trap door" vision and discovering those things that have shaped and formed me and are at the root of the way I think and act.  And I'm really beginning to believe that my lack of memory is my coping mechanism; if I can't remember it, I don't have to deal with it.  In fact, even to this day (though some may disagree) I am a non-confrontationalist and avoid what may very well become a traUmatic experience.

So, lately, I've been asking God about this and He has been showing me some things I have forgotten.  Things that have had a long lasting impact ...

For example:  I love to dance.  Believe it or not, it's true.  But, in reality, I don't (or rarely do).  This comes in great conflict at weddings or work's Christmas party or more often during worship at Church.  While we are singing and praising, the most God gets from my inner desire as an outward show is clapping hands or a tapping foot, or maybe a bounce (if the song is particularly upbeat).

You may ask yourself, "But Paul, you are very outgoing and have no problems being goofy in public?"  That is mostly true, but speaking and acting goofy are a far cry from expressing a genuine inner desire.  I am extremely self-conscious.  (What will people think?  What if I am distracting them?  What if I can't really dance?)

In pondering about this as I am bouncing during worship thinking that maybe I could sneak in a side-step and immediately am overcome with an overwhelming sense of fear ... I remember another time I danced ....

... I am at the grocery story with my mom.  We are shopping in the produce aisle.  I don't remember how old I am, but I was still shorter than my mom, so maybe 10 or 11 years old.  There is a door with a mirror on it that we are walking away from as my mom peruses the row of vegetables.  In my boredom, I beginning dancing in front of the mirror.  As my mom continues to move down the aisle, I would take a couple of steps with her then turn around and wave and start dancing again.  When we were about half way down the row, when I turned around to wave and start dancing again, the door was open and two guys (in store uniforms, it was a Safeway) waved back.

Though the fear isn't as strong, shopping is difficult too.

As I think about that memory, I can still feel the emotional eruption I experienced.  I can reflect very clinically about what transpired.  It was an office door with a one-way mirror.  The guys were having a meeting and were entertained and wanted to participate.  No harm done.

Ah, but harm was done ... When my wife (who has her own blog) asks me if I will dance with her at a wedding, internally I experience that same feeling of dread.  I want to dance, but the fear is debilitating.  When I want to express myself to God during worship, internally I experience that same feeling of dread, as if two guys from Safeway were ready to wave at me the moment I swayed a little too much.

::prayer:: Lord, help me understand myself and continue to show me why I am the way I am and how I can be who you want me to be. ::endprayer::

Great Date!

So the kids have been doing VBS (Vacation Bible School) all week at Hope Chapel in Kihei.  This means that every night this week, from 6:15p to 8:45p they are at the church (learning about Joseph).  And this also means that every night from 6:15p to 8:45p Mandy and I are without kids.

"Oo La La," you say?

Well, tonight (Friday), Mandy is hosting a "girls" night at our house for the women from our church.

Last night (Thursday), Mandy dropped the kids off, came home made some cookie dough and went to Paia to hang out with a friend and bake cookies.

Wednesday night, Mandy was going to hang out with a friend in Kihei (whose son is also doing the VBS), but it didn't work out so she went mega shopping at Costco instead.

Monday night, my best friend, Gabe and I hung out "online" (he lives in Wisconsin) playing video games.  It is hard to schedule play time when there is a 5 hour time difference.

BUT ON Tuesday night, Mandy and I hung out all by ourselves (oo la la).  We went to the library and then went to Kalama Beach Park to watch the sunset.  I love my wife.

Trying to catch the moment with my phone camera.

The most beautiful woman.

Going, going ...

We should get a picture with the sunset in the background.

We should get a picture with the sunset in the background.

Mandy suggested a picture with more sky.

More sky AND more palm branch.

Let's Start at the Very Beginning (It's a Very Good Place to Start)

There are some things in life that just make you smile.

Someday, I want to be somewhere when something like this happens.  I love how the internet makes it so I can imagine I was ....

Running Sounds Exhausting

You may have heard it said before that our life is like a race.  In fact, the Bible, uses this analogy a couple of times:

Acts 20:24 - However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.

1 Corinthians 9:24 - Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.

Hebrews 12:1 - Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us

I saw this video (below) and was reminded that too often we think that we are to run this race alone.  Certainly we have our loved ones, family and friends, there to support us, but they don't run the race.  But because we are the ones to run the race, we feel inadequate to run the race by ourselves.

I think that is the point.  God knows we are inadequate without Him.  That the race He has set before us can only be accomplished with His help.  (John 15:5 - apart from me you can do nothing.)  And that we need to be willing to rely on Him.

What's Cool on the Internet?

Every once in awhile I find something cool on the Internet. As I have been pondering why I blog, I thought to my self, "Self, you should share some of those cool things." At the very least it would give me something to write about and share, and at the most enlighten you on things you may or may not have found on your own.

So I am continuing, what has become a regular feature on my blog:

(::disclaimer:: Obviously, this feature is subjective)

So what, you may ask, is worthy enough to be featured in this, er, feature?

Adland's 38 Years of Super Bowl Commercials

It seems, anymore, the Super Bowl commercials can get as much attention as the big game itself.  Over the past few years, it has been easy to get online afterward and see those commercials you missed, re-watch the ones you liked, and find out which ones were voted the best.

But what about the ones from 5 years ago?  10 years ago?  Or longer?

Adland put together a collection of those commercials.  From Adland's website:

Welcome to the worlds largest archive of superbowl commercials. In some years all the regional ads are included as well, but "banned ads" that claim to have been rejected from the superbowl are not - if it aired nationally during the superbowl, it's included. We now have 38 out of the 44 super bowl years, making this the worlds largest collection of super bowl ads. You're welcome!

Have you ever wanted to go back and review past Bud Bowl's?  Or see Michael and Larry's "nothing but net" ads?  Or maybe re-live your "Just Do It" days?

I remember, when I was planning youth lessons, I had an idea that used one commercial I had seen during a Super Bowl, but I could never find it ... the messge title, "What Motivates You?" ... if only I had known about this site then.*

Budweiser - Rex's Motivation (2000) - 0:60 (USA)

If you have the gumption ... or are just curious ... or you remember that one ad you saw that one super bowl, but never saw it aired again .... make sure you check out Adland's 38 years of Super Bowl commercials ... it's what's cool on the internet.

 ____________________
*of course I recognize it is highly unlikely this site even existed at that time, let alone having compiled a list of these commercials.

An Easy Bible Study of 3:16

I have hidden your Word in my heart,
that I might not sin against you.
Psalm 119:11

Reading the Bible can be a daunting task.  When it comes to reading, picking up a great novel or reading my blog is so much easier.

Where to begin reading the Bible is only slightly less daunting.  Genesis (first book of the Old Testament) and Matthew (first book of the New Testament) are seemingly good places to start.  Randomly opening the Bible and reading where ever the pages lay can be fun and confusing.  Or following a reading plan can be helpful for those of us that need more direction. (I try to follow the LJRP.)

But if reading the Bible can be daunting, then studying the Bible can be intimidating.  Reading is one thing, understanding is something completely different.  Many of us feel ill-equipped to "study" the Bible let alone "understand" it.  So in an effort to be helpful, here is an easy Bible Study of 3:16.

/Book of the Bible/ 3:16 (Bible Study)

The way you find a verse in the Bible is you find a /Book of the Bible/ then the /Chapter/ and then the /Verse/.  Each verse in a chapter has a number (usually following a sentence structure) to help find that particular verse or passage in the chapter in the Book of the Bible easier.  This is commonly called an "address".

One of the most known and memorized "addresses" is John 3:16 (the book of John, chapter 3, verse 16), "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

There are a couple other 3:16 verses that are also memorized, 2 Timothy 3:16, "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness."  And also Revelation 3:16, "So, because you are lukewarm-- neither hot nor cold-- I am about to spit you out of my mouth."

One time, I got to thinking, "I wonder how many other 3:16 verses are good for memorizing?"  So I put together a list of all the 3:16 verses from the Bible.  I think this makes for a quick and easy Bible Study (there are only 40 of them (out of 66 books in the Bible)).

As you are reading the following and a particular 3:16 verse intrigues you or jumps out at you or confuses you ... take a moment and read it in context.  You can go to BibleGateway.com or BlueLetterBible.com or StudyLight.org and search the "address".  (These are from the New International Version.)

Genesis 3:16
To the woman he said, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."

Exodus 3:16
Go, assemble the elders of Israel and say to them, 'The LORD, the God of your fathers-- the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob-- appeared to me and said: I have watched over you and have seen what has been done to you in Egypt.

Leviticus 3:16
The priest shall burn them on the altar as food, an offering made by fire, a pleasing aroma. All the fat is the LORD's.

Numbers 3:16
So Moses counted them, as he was commanded by the word of the LORD.

Deuteronomy 3:16
But to the Reubenites and the Gadites I gave the territory extending from Gilead down to the Arnon Gorge (the middle of the gorge being the border) and out to the Jabbok River, which is the border of the Ammonites.

Joshua 3:16
the water from upstream stopped flowing. It piled up in a heap a great distance away, at a town called Adam in the vicinity of Zarethan, while the water flowing down to the Sea of the Arabah (the Salt Sea) was completely cut off. So the people crossed over opposite Jericho.

Judges 3:16
Now Ehud had made a double-edged sword about a foot and a half long, which he strapped to his right thigh under his clothing.

Ruth 3:16
When Ruth came to her mother-in-law, Naomi asked, "How did it go, my daughter?" Then she told her everything Boaz had done for her.

1 Samuel 3:16
but Eli called him and said, "Samuel, my son." Samuel answered, "Here I am."

2 Samuel 3:16
Her husband, however, went with her, weeping behind her all the way to Bahurim. Then Abner said to him, "Go back home!" So he went back.

1 Kings 3:16
Now two prostitutes came to the king and stood before him.

2 Kings 3:16
and he said, "This is what the LORD says: Make this valley full of ditches.

1 Chronicles 3:16
The successors of Jehoiakim: Jehoiachin his son, and Zedekiah.

2 Chronicles 3:16
He made interwoven chains and put them on top of the pillars. He also made a hundred pomegranates and attached them to the chains.

Ezra chapter 3 only goes to verse 13.

Nehemiah 3:16
Beyond him, Nehemiah son of Azbuk, ruler of a half-district of Beth Zur, made repairs up to a point opposite the tombs of David, as far as the artificial pool and the House of the Heroes.

Esther chapter 3 only goes to verse 15.

Job 3:16
Or why was I not hidden in the ground like a stillborn child, like an infant who never saw the light of day?

Psalms chapter 3 only goes to verse 8.

Proverbs 3:16
Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor.

Ecclesiastes 3:16
And I saw something else under the sun: In the place of judgment-- wickedness was there, in the place of justice-- wickedness was there.

Song of Songs chapter 3 only goes to verse 11.

Isaiah 3:16
The LORD says, "The women of Zion are haughty, walking along with outstretched necks, flirting with their eyes, tripping along with mincing steps, with ornaments jingling on their ankles.

Jeremiah 3:16
In those days, when your numbers have increased greatly in the land," declares the LORD, "men will no longer say, 'The ark of the covenant of the LORD.' It will never enter their minds or be remembered; it will not be missed, nor will another one be made.

Lamentations 3:16
He has broken my teeth with gravel; he has trampled me in the dust.

Ezekiel 3:16
At the end of seven days the word of the LORD came to me:

Daniel 3:16
Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter.

Hosea chapter 3 only goes to verse 5.

Joel 3:16
The LORD will roar from Zion and thunder from Jerusalem; the earth and the sky will tremble. But the LORD will be a refuge for his people, a stronghold for the people of Israel.

Amos chapter 3 only goes to verse 15.

Obadiah only has 1 chapter.

Jonah chapter 3 only goes to verse 10.

Micah chapter 3 only goes to verse 12.

Nahum 3:16
You have increased the number of your merchants till they are more than the stars of the sky, but like locusts they strip the land and then fly away.

Habakkuk 3:16
I heard and my heart pounded, my lips quivered at the sound; decay crept into my bones, and my legs trembled. Yet I will wait patiently for the day of calamity to come on the nation invading us.

Zephaniah 3:16
On that day they will say to Jerusalem, "Do not fear, O Zion; do not let your hands hang limp.

Haggai only has 2 chapters.

Zechariah chapter 3 only goes to verse 10.

Malachi 3:16
Then those who feared the LORD talked with each other, and the LORD listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence concerning those who feared the LORD and honored his name.

Matthew 3:16
As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on him.

Mark 3:16
These are the twelve he appointed: Simon (to whom he gave the name Peter);

Luke 3:16
John answered them all, "I baptize you with water. But one more powerful than I will come, the thongs of whose sandals I am not worthy to untie. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire.

John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Acts 3:16
By faith in the name of Jesus, this man whom you see and know was made strong. It is Jesus' name and the faith that comes through him that has given this complete healing to him, as you can all see.

Romans 3:16
ruin and misery mark their ways,

1 Corinthians 3:16
Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?

2 Corinthians 3:16
But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.

Galatians 3:16
The promises were spoken to Abraham and to his seed. The Scripture does not say "and to seeds," meaning many people, but "and to your seed," meaning one person, who is Christ.

Ephesians 3:16
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being

Philippians 3:16
Only let us live up to what we have already attained.

Colossians 3:16
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.

1 Thessalonians chapter 3 only goes to verse 13.

2 Thessalonians 3:16
Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.

1 Timothy 3:16
Beyond all question, the mystery of godliness is great: He appeared in a body, was vindicated by the Spirit, was seen by angels, was preached among the nations, was believed on in the world, was taken up in glory.

2 Timothy 3:16
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness

Titus chapter 3 only goes to verse 15.

Philemon only has 1 chapter.Titus chapter 3 only goes to verse 15.

Hebrews 3:16
Who were they who heard and rebelled? Were they not all those Moses led out of Egypt

James 3:16
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.

1 Peter 3:16
keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.

2 Peter 3:16
He writes the same way in all his letters, speaking in them of these matters. His letters contain some things that are hard to understand, which ignorant and unstable people distort, as they do the other Scriptures, to their own destruction.

1 John 3:16
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.

2 John only has 1 chapter.

3 John only has 1 chapter.

Revelation 3:16
So, because you are lukewarm-- neither hot nor cold-- I am about to spit you out of my mouth.

I Don't Remember Much ....

I don't remember much from my childhood.  I can recall snippets of events, usually spurred on by pictures of the moment, but in general I just don't remember.

I was thinking about this the other day and wondering why, when it occurred to me that is was probably some sort of coping mechanism resulting from a traumatic experience I had when I was a kid.

So I thought back to the earliest possible memory I could clearly remember ....

I am riding in a school bus ... going to school ... Westhill Elementary ... I am sitting towards the middle of the bus ... I don't remember what is going on around me ... I remember sitting by myself ... I remember focusing intently on something ... my favorite peechee ... I remember really liking my peechee ... I remember looking longingly at my peechee ... I remember being overcome in one moment and kissing my peechee ... I remember Heather Fickbam, the cutest girl in school, snapping me out of my revery and questioning for all to hear, "DID YOU JUST KISS YOUR PEECHEE!?" ....

Everything in my life after that moment is pretty much a blur.

You might be asking what it was that drew me to such affection ...

If it was something like this picture ... that would be traumatic.