Thank You For Your Service

To all the men and woman who have served, do serve and will serve our country ... Thank You.

There are no words that can fully grasp the scope of my appreciation for the sacrifice of those that serve in our Military.

Whether you support a war or not, you should always support those who fight and have fought for our freedom.

I Don't Have Time to Maintain These Regrets

There is a worship song that has definately become one of my favorites ... "He Loves Us" written by John Mark McMillan.  You may have heard it performed by Hillsong United or by Jesus Culture or by David Crowder.

Here is the song, performed by John Mark McMillan. He is jealous for me Loves like a hurricane I am a tree Bending beneath The weight of his wind and mercy When all of a sudden I am unaware of these Afflictions eclipsed by glory And I realize how beautiful you are And how great your afflictions for me Oh how he loves us so Oh how he loves us How he loves us so Yea He loves us Oh how We are his portion And he is our prize Drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes If grace is an ocean we're all sinking So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss And my heart burns violently inside of my chest I don't have time to maintain these regrets When I think about the way He loves us Oh how he loves us so Oh how he loves us How he loves us so Yea He loves us Oh how I thought about you The day Stephen died And you met me between my breaking I know that I still love you God Despite the agony See people they want to tell me your cruel But if Stephen could sing He'd say its not true Cause your good

The main reason I love this song, is that it puts into the forefront of my mind the reminder that God loves us.  That He loves me.  I know, I know ... you are probably thinking you want to ask me, "Paul have you ever read the Bible?"  The Bible is wrought full of how much God loves us ... In fact, He loves us so much, He sent His one and only son ... ... and I believe it.

The problem isn't so much with believing that God loves me, but living like God loves me.  My favorite line in this song is, "I don't have time to maintain these regrets".  For me, this sums up where my problem lies.  I have shared before that I have issues with my "worth" (or rather worthlessness) and wondered from where it stems.  This lyric puts into words that very thing I have been wondering.

I first heard this song at East Lake Community Church when we were visiting for a baby dedication (almost 2 years ago?).  I loved it from the get go.  They sang it loud and we were singing a worship song with lyrics about a sloppy wet kiss.  Then a good friend of ours burned a CD of worship songs for my wife (who has her own blog) with this song on it.  The kids and I love to belt out "He loves us" when singing along around the house.  Our church also sings this song fairly regularly during our worship.  I have heard and sung this song countless times.

Recently, when singing this song at church, I had an epiphany while singing my favorite line.  It literally caused me to stop singing and contemplate my thoughts.  As I was singing that line, I heard my own voice casually telling me, "No, you have time."  I stopped singing.

:: reenactment ::
"What?" I asked.
"You have time," I replied.
"I don't understand."
"You were just singing how you don't have time to maintain your regrets, but you do," I explained
"What do you mean?"
"I mean you make time. You maintain your regrets quite well, in fact."

What do you do with that?  I mean besides the fact that I was having a conversation with myself.  In essence, that conversation summed up a core part of my shame, guilt and worth issues.  I maintained my regrets.  As long as I am maintaining my regrets, there is not much room to walk in forgiveness.  If I am not forgiving myself, how can I begin to accept God's forgiveness?  And ultimately, how can I live like God loves me?  I believe it (in my head), but I don't live it (from my heart). 

::prayer:: Lord, help me understand myself and continue to show me why I am the way I am and how I can be who you want me to be. ::endprayer::

Who Are You?

You may have noticed, I recently added a "badge" to my blog.  Over to the right hand side are different things you can click on: 

• my profile (which is lacking)
• post archives
• post labels
• other bloggers I am recommending
• my nerd score (Uber Cool Light-Weight, if you never noticed)
• etc.

The newest one I added is "Visitor's Map".  I'll willingly admit, I am ever curious about who may be reading my posts.  My sister (who has her own blog) informed me about Google Analytics, which lets me see how many times my blog is viewed and how many "unique" people are viewing.  It doesn't tell me who you are though.  Of course, I know a few of you: 

• My wife (who has her own blog)
• My mom (but I had to set her up to receive new postings via email so she would read them)
• My sister, Cheryl
• My sister, Laura (who leaves the most comments) (thank you)
• My wife's mom and dad (But I think that was because they found out I wrote about them)
• My best friend (who lives in Wisconsin, Reno, Maui!!) and his wife
• A friend from work (who I asked to log in from a different state they were travelling to)

Other that that, I would like to think I know who a couple of the silent viewers are, but I don't know for sure.  There are, however, 24 unique visitors (at some point).  Although, that is information tracked by a cookie, so if you toss your cookies, you will be registered as a new visitor (again).  And then there is the fact that I, personally, have viewed from a couple different computers, so maybe I am a couple of my own unique visitors.

ANYway, this Visitor's Badge is another way to show where a "unique" visitor is visiting from.  It shows a 2D image of the globe (a 3D option is also available) and puts a little orange dot (or another color of your choosing) from different locations visitors have viewed from.  Now, before you get all "big brother" on me, I assure you I know nothing more than your location.









Obviously, I would expect to see dots in Hawaii (me and my wife) and in Washington (other family), and of course, in Wisconsin (Gabe and Katie).  But Kansas? Or New Jersey? Or Spain?!?!  That's right ... look at the map.  There is a dot in Spain.  That means that somebody viewed my blog that had an internet connection in Spain!  Crazy.  Now, I understand that may not be that big of a deal.  I've clicked Next Blog of few times (I even have made a game or two out of it) and have viewed people's blogs that I don't know and maybe if they had a visitor's map thingie they got a dot from Hawaii.

It still begs the question, "Who are you?"  And was my blog interesting?

The Most Beautiful Woman ...

How did I get so lucky?

I know what many of you have thought over the years ... "Paul, how did you ever end up with a girl like Mandy?"  And, you know what?  I have no idea.  I often wonder about that same thing.  She doesn't know this (I don't think), but there are times when I will watch her and ponder my good fortune of having a woman like her settle with (for) a guy like me.

I remember my first "experience" with Mandy (who has her own blog).  Her brother, Philip, was in a youth group (AFG) my sister Cheryl (who has her own blog too) and I were responsible for.  AFG hung out every Wednesday night at the church (with the other youth groups).  Mandy was in the High School Group and was supposed to pick Philip up at the end of the night.  One time she never showed up and Phil said he couldn't find her.  So I looked around and, sure enough, she was nowhere to be found.  Someone suggested a group of people had gone to McDonald's and that maybe she went with them.  She had.  My impression:  Phil's sister, the irresponsible high schooler.

"Oops!  Sorry!  I forgot!"

Another time, all the youth groups were in charge of the "adult" service at church and she had offered to help hand out bulletins.  She had just had knee surgery, and I remember thinking she wouldn't be able to hand them out while on crutches, but she wanted to help.  I also remember thinking she should just go sit down and take it easy.  My impression:  Phil's sister, the I-won't-let-you-tell-me-I-can't-help high schooler.

"I am perfectly capable."

Mandy was "Phil's sister".  I really didn't know much about her except from my own experiences.  Then I went to a college retreat (from our church) for the purpose of recruiting some leadership for the aforementioned youth group (AFG).  For some reason, she was there (she was in high school).  I rembember, at some point in time, I was sitting with (Angie?) expressing my hope to find some people to help with AFG.  Mandy pipes up (I don't even remember her sitting there), "I'll help!"  My impression:  Phil's sister, not really the help I had in mind.

I would be great help!

"Um, well, er," I stuttered.  I couldn't say, "Yes."  I think, at the time, I didn't want to say yes, this was Phil's sister.  Being the quick thinker that I am, I stumbled on to say, "Well, it is your brother's youth group.  It needs to be OK with him."  I am not completely sure of the conversation that ensued between Phil and Mandy after the retreat, but she ended up helping.  I think that was the first weekend in May of 1996.  So she starts hanging out with the group and on May 22, 1996, she turned 18.  My impression:  Oh dear.

Oh dear.

Now, I'll admit, I have always struggled with that moment.  One minute she is Phil's sister the next she is Mandy and beautiful.  We (the youth group leadership) took her to Godfather's Pizza for her birthday and as she sat across from me there was this inner turmoil.  And then it happened.  She laughed so hard she spewed pop and pizza all over me.  I was in love.

I think it is important to mention that I was 23.  She just turned 18 and I was 23.  Before she was 18, I didn't really notice her ... she was just there.  After she turned 18, I noticed her because she was there.  I was worried.  I really really liked her.  But I was so much older.  What would everyone say?  What would everyone think?  How would her parents respond?  What about being in leadership at a church?  These questions consumed me.  I even tried to forget about her "in that way".  But I couldn't.  My impression:  Oh dear.

Oh dear.

And so it continued.  I was convinced I was "wrong" to like her, that it was inappropriate.  But I couldn't stop liking her.  In youth group, we played capture the flag, and I found myself performing amazing feats of rescue when she was captured.  In those few moments I could hold her hand as I saved her back to our side.  In those few moments time slowed and we were skipping across prairies of wild flowers frolicking in our love for each other.  /clear throat/ 

I remember, one night at my parents house, after they had hosted a college group party (that Mandy came to), I sat down and told my parents I thought I met the person I was going to marry.  This was how far my "obsession" had come.  I was going to marry her.  But we weren't even dating yet.  My impression:  Oh dear.

Oh dear.

Our church had a "Family Camp" weekend on July 19,20,21, and she was going.  I had decided I was going to let her know how I felt, once and for all (less the marriage part) that weekend.  Everywhere she was, I lingered, waiting for "the moment".  That weekend is really a blur for me.  I remember talking to my sister (Cheryl) about her.  I remember talking to someone else about her.  I remember being nervous and feeling awkward all weekend.  But, at some point, I found out SHE LIKED ME TOO!!!! /clear throat/ I found out she liked me too.  My impression:  Yahoo!!!

If only Paul would notice me.

That following Tuesday at TGIF's in Kirkland (where the college group went every tuesday), we went outside to "talk".  We knew we both like each other but I had to tell her some things first.  So we sat on a curb somewhere and I took her hand in mine and shared with her every "secret" I had.  Those things that she needed to know about me if we were going to be together.

And so we started dating (7/23/1996).  Apparently, she didn't hear anything I said.  To this day, she still says all she could think about was that I was holding her hand.  So much for confession.

Despite the fact that I was almost six years older, we had the blessing to "date" from everyone.  My parents, her parents, the church leadership, everyone.  In fact, a few people said that our "age" difference was of no consequence. Or, that we were perfect for each other.  My impression:  I really couldn't argue.

Rare AFG PDA.

It didn't take long for us to talk about marriage.  I don't know how it happened, but it was obvious we would be together forever.  I proposed to her on April 11th, 1998 (click here to read the engagement story) and on November 14th, 1998 we were married.

Best Wedding Ever

So that's how it happened, for those of you that have been wondering.  It really is like a fairytale.  The rest, as they say, is history.

Luckiest guy in the world.

What's Cool on the Internet?

Every once in awhile I find something cool on the Internet. As I have been pondering why I blog, I thought to my self, "Self, you should share some of those cool things." At the very least it would give me something to write about and share, and at the most enlighten you on things you may or may not have found on your own.

So I am continuing, what has become a regular feature on my blog:

(::disclaimer:: Obviously, this feature is subjective)

So what, you may ask, is worthy enough to be featured in this, er, feature?

David Dylan Thomas

Or more specifically, his review of the 50 greatest action sequences.

From DDT's "about" page:

David Dylan Thomas is a writer/filmmaker living in Philadelphia. He started out in the video world, making a documentary about all of the rock bands at his high school. As an undergrad at JHU, he completed a short doc about college life called Zoo JHU. After graduating with a degree in Writing Seminars (one year shy of Hopkins creation of a Film Major!) he began volunteering on numerous independent shoots around Baltimore. In 1998 he completed his first 16mm short, The Least Dangerous Game. Three years later he completed his first feature, All Night Thing. While retooling and generally pimping this effort, he created his first blog, “Confessions of an Indie Filmmaker.” Around this time he also began writing monthly movie previews, which were ultimately picked up by Freewilliamsburg.com. In 2003, Thomas completed his first digital short, Attack of the Bobbleheads. The next year, he began writing in earnest, delivering content to five different publications, not including his own blog: Filmcritic.com, Freewilliamsburg.com, Bigyawn.net, PAW Print, and Blogcritics.org. Today, Thomas continues to live, write, and film in Philadelphia. By day, he’s also the Coordinator of Multimedia Services at La Salle University.

I found David Dylan Thomas' blog when I was searching for an AT-AT image for my "Walking Tanks Are Too Legit" post.  Google Images found one I liked on his page.  Upon which I realized I had stumbled onto something cool.

The AT-AT image was in the midst of a list of 50 Greatest Action Sequences.  Mr. Thomas didn't just make a top 50 list though ... he gives detail and insight into each selection.  He provides interesting history behind the action sequence.  He includes many pictures and clips (although some have been removed due to copy right misuse).  He offers educated opines of the movie industry and what was involved to film the sequences.  He even notes the inspiration and challenges behind the sequences.

You can tell David Dylan Thomas loves movies.  He knows movies.  He considers himself a bit of an "action aficionado".  He used the following guidelines to write his reviews and wrote about movies made before 2007 (the reviews were written about once a week from 8/07 to 6/08).

I’ve judged these films basically on six criteria. Things I like to see in an action sequence. Some of my favorite action sequences are, at their core, exercises in creative problem solving under pressure. With that in mind, I’ve highlighted the following…
1. Originality of Concept - We’ve all seen a car chase, but what about a car chase on the moon?! Okay, that never happened, but if it did, that would be, like, a point.
2. Intensity - In many ways, this is the whole point of an action sequence. And, as we’ll see, it can redefine what an action sequence is.
3. Beauty - Eye candy, or at least good cinematography, counts.
4. Speed - Think of this as a strength of field category. Whatever is difficult to do, is more difficult fast, and usually more entertaining.
5. Unpredictability - Can I guess how the hero is going to get out of this situation? If so, I have much less reason to watch.
6. Realism - Note, this is an “ism.” If it feels like it could happen, the intensity tends to go up. Scientifically (or at least probabilistically), almost none of these sequences could actually happen.

I have yet to read each of the 50 reviews because there is so much information. And though I haven't seen all of the movies he is referencing, I have found I like and agree with his reviews and simply find them fascinating to read about.

I appreciate all the time and thought David Dylan Thomas put into his reviews of the 50 greatest action sequences (of movies before 2007).  So check it out .... it's what's cool on the internet.