Bitter Roots?

So, I continue to seek and discover my "issues".  We've all got issues that impact the way we judge and perceive the world around us.  For me, I've begun to realize how deeply impactful some of these are in how I go about my everyday life.

I've always known I have certain tendencies, but have always felt them quite minor compare to people who have issues that put them in a mental hospital or jail.  (I have avoided both of those, so far).

But it doesn't change the fact that there are things that have happened in my life that have caused me to be a certain way.  Both good and bad.  I've set out to discover those "bad" things and hopefully find ways to change for the good.

I read an article recently about the difference between shame and guilt.  (I have always associated them as basically the same).  Shame is bad, guilt is good.  "Shame is bad because it attacks the person, not the action. Shame is about who you are while guilt is about what you've done. Guilt says, "What you did is bad. Correct it." Shame says, "YOU are bad and there is no fixing it!" Shame leaves you hopeless and rejected. Guilt moves you to restoration and recovery.*"

Our church has had a couple of teachings about the effect of "bitter roots" in our lives.  Imagine that your life is a tree. Your roots are what pull nutrients into your life and feed you. But what if those roots are bad? What if they are feeding you poison instead of nutrients? You've got a problem. But emotionally, that's what often happens. And the result is a shame-based life.

The same gentleman as above mentions there are 5 main areas of shame:

1. Abuse - (physical, sexual, verbal, spiritual)
2. Ridicule - (emotions, appearance, actions, etc)
3. Neglect - (forgotten or ignored, not being loved)
4. Family Secrets - (addiction, incest, health, criminal activities, etc)
5. Trauma - (accidents or death that are experienced)

Wow.  As I am contemplating what this journey may entail, it seems kind of daunting.  Do I really want to remember standing in line at the water slides and those girls snickered and made fun of my feet?  Do I really want recall my parents arguing one time that resulted in a broken plate of dinner?  Do I really want to reflect on a friend who committed suicide?

::prayer:: Lord, help me understand myself and continue to show me why I am the way I am and how I can be who you want me to be. ::endprayer::
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*quoted from Remy Diederich from his November 18, 2006 entry in his blog http://lifechangeseminars.blogspot.com/