It's true. My eyebrows do not do what they are supposed to do.As you know, and Dictionary.com* confirms, an eyebrow is 1) the arch or ridge forming the upper part of the orbit of the eye and/or 2) the fringe of hair growing on this arch or ridge.
But more importantly than what an eyebrow is ... is its purpose. An eyebrow performs two major functions: communication and protection. In regards to communication, eyebrows play a large part in our facial expressions as well as identification**. This is not the purpose I refer to when I say, "My eyebrows are broken." If you've ever spoken with me face to face you may have noticed I am a very animated speaker. Facial expressions with eyebrow functionality. No, I refer to protection.
Some suggest the primary purpose of our eyebrows is to protect our eyes. To protect them from sweat and water. Mine don't.
I have never really liked being in water (or drinking it for that matter***). In fact, I used to say about swimming or taking a shower, "The worst part is getting wet." I have been known to skip a shower so as not to get wet. And I would only go swimming if I had no reasonable excuse not to (apparently, "I hate getting wet," is an unreasonable excuse).
Only recently have I been able to articulate the problem. It isn't so much I don't like getting wet (which was my presumption all along), as it is I don't like getting water in my eyes. I had this epiphany when we were playing in the ocean near Lahaina with the Grays (summer '09). Between the salt water, sunscreen and sweat, my eyes were stinging and blurry the entire time. I kept having to go back to my towel to wipe them, only to do it again moments later. But it wasn't until my parents were visiting this last February ('10) that I finally said my conclusion out loud, "I think my eyebrows are broken." This proclamation was met by silence and stares (presumable at my eyebrows). Who better to suggest my theory than to my own parents? (Too late to wonder if it would insult them****.)
Since living in Hawaii, I have become acutely aware of this problem. Between living in the middle of the ocean (salt water is the worst), being in the constant heat (I am a head sweater) and showering everyday (I interact with customers daily), I can't help but notice my eyebrows do not do what they are supposed to do. Sweat and water get into my eyes. My eyebrows are failing me, failing my eyes.
So now you know. My eyebrows do not protect my eyes from sweat or water. My conclusion, therefore, is they must be broken. Well, it is either that, or my forehead is too high. Hmm. Maybe the sweat or water cascades down my forehead gaining more and more speed only to meet my eyebrows like tsunami crashing into a breakwater ...... oh dear.
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*if you clicked on this link and read the definitions ... did you wonder, as I did, why "kicker" was included amongst the definitions for "eyebrow"?
**there is an interesting article about eyebrows being more useful than eyes for identification. In short, 46% of subjects were able to identify a well known person with there eyebrows edited out of a picture versus 60% when the eyes were edited out.
***drinking water can give me heart burn.
****because they're my parents. Get it? It would be their fault if my eyebrows were broken. haha. erm.
the asterisks are killing me, Paul. I keep having to scroll down, then up, then down again. At least I have a mac* and I can two-finger scroll** all over the place. Even so, may I please recommend the use of parentheses within the text....please!...(pretty please!), (see how nice that worked out?)****
ReplyDelete*I really do love my mac, but I understand you're a pc man.
**Being a pc man, you might not have encountered the convenience of the "two-finger scroll". ***
***Let me enlighten you: I can simply run my forefinger and middle finger over my touch pad and viola! the page on my screen responds instantly, scrolling up or down (or even sideways) with ease!
****By the way, I'm happy to see that you're blogging more. Fun to read! Miss you!
So much to say, so little room that blogspot gives to post a comment. It's like they think this is YOUR space to express yourself, rather than your commenters' (the nerve!).
ReplyDeleteWater gives your heartburn? How is that even possible? Isn't that like your body betraying itself?
It seems that Laura failed to note that you did, in fact, use parentheses as well as asterisks...one can only assume she was disoriented from her crazy two finger scrolling (even sideways...showoff!) and neglected to notice. I think the asterisks are quite amusing (and as noted previously in a blog post of mine, I hope to utilize them more, since I am historically a parentheses and hyphen user for asides). Whenever I a) remember to scroll down for the asterisk explanation and b) am able to continue following your train of thought after I've scrolled back up, I feel a sense of satisfaction about my mental acuity.
Lastly, I agree with Laura's ****!
to Laura: As Cheryl pointed out, I did use parantheses ... a lot. And besides, without the asterisks, you wouldn't have been able to "show off" your Mac.
ReplyDeleteTo Cheryl: Thank you for your defense and support. Laura hasn't had the benefit of our recent conversations regarding this very issue.
Asterisks serve a purpose ... perhaps that'll be my next post.
Alright, so you used both a lot. Problem is, the parentheses were upstaged by the asterisks, Paul. With their pointy presence jabbing into my thought processes, I never even noticed my beloved parentheses... so curved... so smooooth... perhaps you should add a little ellipses to your blogging life...
ReplyDeleteAnd let me get this right: when you guys each get the chance to break from the business of your lives (kids, work, martial bliss), you choose to chat about punctuation and typographical symbols?
ReplyDelete