This is part 1 of a story to help me process ... and discover Freedom.
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My eyes fluttered open and quickly shut again. I let the dull ache pass as my eyes adjusted to the light behind my eyelids and slowly opened them again. My heart was racing like I was awakening from a panic in a dream, but there were no lingering thoughts and I couldn't remember the dream. I tried to catch my breath, but it was irregular. I sat up quickly, my heart quickening its pace even more as I realized I had no idea where I was.
I controlled my breathing, taking deep breaths, trying to calm myself as I took in the surroundings. I was sitting on the side of a small hill, the sun was high in the sky, only wisps of clouds marring the deep blue expanse. As far as I could see was a wide open plain. I stood as if it would help me see further. Down the hill, just past where it leveled out was a creek. From the distant roar the water sounded like it was moving fast. As I turned to my right the plain met a huge cliff face. I could not clearly make out the top and it hurt my eyes to try and focus on where it met the sky. Directly behind me, on the top of the hill was a single tree, its life long since drained from its branches as they desperately reached out. As I continued around, the cliff disappeared into the distance and I was looking out onto the plain once again.
I walked towards the tree at the top of the hill. The grass I was walking on was spongy and a rich green, different from the drab brown of the prairie below. I slowly turned in another circle reevaluating what I had seen. The view wasn't much different, except I could see down the other side of the hill and where the grass ended at the base of the cliff. The sun shined brightly onto the cliff face highlighting the detail of every ledge and crevice. The shadow of the scraggly tree was cast on the cliff side of the hill. The hill sat in a rough oval, the cliff with a slight concave to one side and the creek to the other. It seems that maybe the water ran along the base of the cliff and then jetted out around the hill to come around and meet the cliff face again. I surmised the distant roar I heard was more likely a waterfall, though I couldn't directly see it anywhere.
This place felt oddly familiar and in a quick moment of surreality I pinched myself under my arm and it hurt a lot. I rubbed out the pain wondering at why one would feel compelled to do that. I was a little thirsty, perhaps the sound of the water triggering a subconscious response. The shortest distance to the water was almost directly away from the cliff. But with no other thoughts coming to mind, that seemed as good of place to start exploring as any.
It was a relatively short walk, but my thirst had increased drastically as I neared the water. Now that I was closer, I realized "creek" was a poor description, this was definitely a river. The surface of the water was slightly less than an arm's length from the top of the bank. Close enough to scoop water with one hand, too far to scoop with two hands. Somehow I was able to quench my thirst after many reaches into the water. Each scoop losing half its volume before reaching my lips. My hand was freezing, but the water was refreshing. I was reminded of a cold mountain stream. I stood and rubbed my hand to warm it up. The water was moving swiftly and it look really deep as far as I could see both up and down stream.
As I faced the river, with my back to the cliff, the water was flowing to the left. The other bank was maybe 20 feet away. I could see the water disappear under the far bank where it continually carved away beneath the grass. Though the ground I was standing on felt solid, the sight caused me to step back a bit as I imagined the same view below me. There was a drastic difference in the grass from each side of the river. My side was lush green, spongy and short. The far side was a dried brown, overgrown and tall. The contrast seemed like this side was leeching every bit of nutrients from the water leaving nothing for the rest. I remembered the dead tree and turned around to look at it. Another odd contrast; as if the grass itself sucked the life from the tree. I shook my head. Where was I?
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continue to part 2- Discombobulation
1 Inch vs. 3 Feet
10 years ago
